A repository for some of the AIM away messages I've seen or used myself.

General


Getting buff at the gym.
Internship until 5-ish; give me a call at x 4999
Student Senate Office Hours. (9:00-11:00)
I'm away eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner. if your smart, you'll figure out which one it is.
My stomach is growling and I'm answering.
I am not here so stop writing to me, or else you will find yourself with a screen full of your own messages.
Shhhh quiet. I'm Sleeping!
Goodnight, I 'll see you in my dreams.
4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep.
hate my alarm clock... because it works so well.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
Alright %n I'm obviously trying to do something productive, so why are you bothering me?
I can't think of a good away message.

The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.
If I seem to give a damn, please tell me. I would hate to be giving the wrong impression.
Nostalgia? Revenge is a form of Nostalgia right?
That's it, no more free will.
He is YOUR god, they are YOUR rules, YOU burn in hell.
Every cloud has a silver lining (except for the mushroom shaped ones, which have a lining of Iridium & Strontium 90).
Ever feel like nothing could go right for you and that you are never going to get out of a slump? The need for compainionship is strong enough to overrule any other emotion or any thought. Life seems much blacker without someone to share it with. Life continues regardless, and I abide.
Due to circumstances within my control, tomorrow will be cancelled.
Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
Whenever you eliminate the inedible, whatever remains, however unpalatable, must be food.
Stop using Jesus as an excuse for being a narrow-minded, bigoted asshole.
I've given up the search for reality; now I'm just looking for a good fantasy.
Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
In man's struggle against the world, bet on the world.
When you check out, if spent shell casings aren't littered around your feet, you didn't check out right.
If you can't say anything nice, then at least have the decency to be vague.
Woman and God are intoxicants enough without the hard stuff. Of Course, Woman and God are usually the reason we resort to the hard stuff.
Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question.
Credit, is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.
If you're one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
"Obstruction of justice? No sir, we prefer to think of it 'avoiding complications'."

Sentient Computer


Hi this is the computer. My user away, but I'm open for suggestions. ;-)
Hello, this is the computer. Here I am ... brain the size of a planet, and what does my owner have me doing? ... taking messages on AIM.

Risque, sexy and love away messages


You don't have to love in words, even through the silences love is always heard.
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen, nor touched but are felt in the heart.
It's ok to kiss a fool.
It's ok to let a fool kiss you.
But never let a kiss fool you.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for them.
If you're going my way, I'll walk with you.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
No man is worth your tears and the only one who is will never make you cry.
You can fall from the sky.
You can fall from a tree.
But the best way to fall.
Is in love with me.
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without.
You don't have to love in words, even through the silences love is always heard.
Leave a message, and I'll IM you back later. Leave a SEXY message and I'll IM you back sooner
Hello. Here are my answers to yesterday's messages, in order of their arrival. Yes. Tommorow at 5pm. Duct tape and piano wire. Tonight's safety word will be banana. No. Thank you
Jesus paid for our sins - now let's get our money's worth.
It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue. -Voltaire

Work Related Away Messages


Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and just before you realize what is wrong with it.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Sleep is actually a good substitute for coffee.
I can't be fired, slaves are sold.
Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating. One day, I shall be a sweet, succulent escargo of quiescence...until then, I practice.
Knowledge is Power - Power Corrupts - Study Hard
We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the imposible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
I am currently occupied, give me a couple minutes to get frustrated and then I'll get back to you.
The hard I do immediately. The impossible takes a little bit longer.
Talent does what it can. Genius does what it must. I do what I get paid for.

General Away Messages


I'm drunk...I'm armed...I'm off my meds. You had better make your message really, really sweet.
The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is twice as large as it needs to be.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Hello, you have reached my automated answering service, your call will be answered in the order in which it was recieved, your call is number 5,293, please hold, your call is important to us
Hi, I'm probably here, I'm just avoiding someone I don't want to talk to. Leave a message and if I don't IM you back, well, what can I say?
"God is as real as I am." he assured me, and my faith was restored, for I knew Santa would never lie.
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up.
Not many people know this, but last summer I worked as a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic.
Evolution -- life's a niche, and then you die
The election season is officially underway, along with the traditional political food chain of information. The candidates say something, their staff explains what they meant, media pundits explain what they really meant, and the public bases its decision on the ensuing late-night talk show opening monologues.
"The philosophy exam was a piece of cake -- which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper."
I ran out of gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to god!
Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well ...basically... your house burned even faster.
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
If you can keep your head while those about you are losing theirs, have you considered becoming a guillotine operator?"
01001001 01100001 01101101 01101110 01101111 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 (this is binary code for the ASCII encoding "I am not here")
I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
Never judge a man till you have walked a mile in his shoes, 'cuz by then, he's a mile away, you've got his shoes, and you can say whatever the hell you want to.
That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.
When life gives you a lemon, say 'Lemons? I like lemons. What else have you got?'
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the fuck did the ceiling go?!"
Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING.
There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
If you are the credit card company, I already sent the money. If you are one of my friends, you owe me money. If you are looking for a date, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
Tonight's weather, dark, continuing mostly dark tonight, leading to widely scattered areas of light in the morning.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Tech Support: "I need you to boot the computer." Customer: (THUMP! Pause.) "No, that didn't help."
You have reached the reverend my confession hotline. Please leave your sin, and I'll get back to you with a penance. Remember that a confession doesn't count unless it's a vivid, detailed, blow-by-blow description of the sin. Thank you.
Some people live life in the fast lane - I live in oncoming traffic.
My philosophy is a mixture of the three famous schools -- the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans - and all three can be summed up in my famous phrase, "You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink."
It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
I'm not here, I've gone out to look for myself. If I come back before I return, please tell me to wait.
Yielding Favorable or Useful Results.